If you were… a weapon from CS:GO? I’d be an M4, because sometimes I’m accurate, and sometime I’m not And I shoot many bullets That makes no sense… I’d be a USP, ’cause I’m quiet And I never kill with only one shot Kenny, wanna play?
Come with us if you want I’d be an AWP, ’cause I like the AWP And because I’m noisy I’m always making noises Right? And I’m tall… and long I you were a map from CS:GO A map from CS:GO… I’d be Office ‘Cause I work a lot I do work right? Yep, well done For me it’s Inferno, because I’m as cute as the flowerpots Hello there! I’d be… Cache You’re a communist?
Cache… there’s no reason If you were an animal I’d be a cat I love cats That’s all, I’d be a cat… a dumb cat A very dumb cat I’d be a cheetah No a dog No, a cheetah! But you do a good dog impression I know, but I can also do a cheetah I’m as fast as a cheetah Go ahead, show us Too lazy I’d be a little monkey, I think I love bananas, the jungle, that’s my thing If you were a professional athlete Neymar, with an out of the box techique I wish I were like him you know It’s Neymar… the happy medium between Christiano Ronaldo and Messi Pavard Strong, consistent And a few ms from time to time It’s true you get a few online casino bonus? I’d be Conor McGregor Same confidence Same tattoo I’m getting it done right now Yeah, here And regarding the abs… I’m like when he’s in his cutting cycle I’m almost there But other than that, I have the same fighting techniques If you were a drink? An Orangina, ’cause I’m fruity No wait let me redo it Not at all If I were a drink… I’d be really cheap alcohol, something like that The disgusting kind Yeah like, I’m disgusting like that I’m Iced Tea No you’re not Yes I am You’re a Schweppes Oh yeah, the really bitter one?
The Schweppes Tonic ? Yeah, this one I’d be a Coca Cola Liked by everyone Aaaaaaand that’s all If you were a dish A Coquille au Thon (Tuna Scallops) Nobody knows what it is! Yeah, nobody knows It’s one of my grandmother’s specialities and I really like it I made them for my teammates and they all found it disgusting No I liked it But it’s because I can’t make them as good It’s tuna with bechamel sauce It’s weird, but I did like it So yeah, you need bechamel, a really good one… Put it in the oven at 180°c and… Real perfection I’d be a frozen pizza ‘Cause Real perfection too No because that’s what you make when you’re lazy And I’m often like that… Lazy Well, let’s find another disgusting one… A Filet-o-Fish I was going to say worse You know, the Croque… Croque McDo? Right, an old Croque McDo Yeah…pretty disgusting Not really appetizing A day old one? A day old Croque McDo If you were a vehicle I’d be a plane A plane that… A plane.
I can’t explain why Because sometimes I have my head in the clouds Pretty good right? Hey, I said something really clever I said I’d be a plane because sometimes I have my head in the clouds A high-speed train, ’cause it’s fast And I like being fast, like a cheetah You’re a Ouigo (slow low-cost train) Hold the mike for me A what? That old stinky train? Yeah, I’m a Ouigo If you were a super hero I’d be KennyS There’s a difference between the one I like the most, and the one I want to be Doctor Strange is super cool, I’d be him But my favorite hero is Batman, but he doesn’t have any powers You answered seriously for once I’d be..what was his name again…Iron Man He’s got many weapons and all, I like that I’d be a useless hero That guy from Kick-Ass Useless like…
I would have said Yamcha But he’s not a hero Yes he’s… no, no he’s not Then I’d be Goku Dude there’s no way you’re Goku, look at your hair Then… Black Panther He’s not useless at all No he’s not, I mean as a cool hero If you were a song It depends on the mood I think Right now I’d be Juice WRLD – Lucid Dreams, I don’t know if you know it It’s a cool song And many guys might relate to it Something like… Something disgusting Michel Sardou – Les lacs du Connemara? Or Despacito Riiiiiight! Yeah, I’m Despacito This guy hates himself right now I have no idea My tastes in music aren’t the same as everyone else Yeah, like Country music… Let’s say One More Time – Daft Punk One more time we didn’t reach the playoffs, one more time… Next question please If you were a peripheral device Something like a small 8go USB key, or a mini fan The one that only blows enough air to make your hair move I’m trying to not be too pessimistic, because bodyy is already doing it enough for all of us Kenny is a floppy disc …You know what, yeah, a floppy The good old floppy disc Or maybe an Iphone charger Because you always need me I’d be… a CD player Old and outdated Don’t say that Pretty terrible Lacking confidence A bit of self-criticism never hurts If you were Gaben If I were Gaben, I’d try to discover a game called Counter-Strike:Global Offensive I’m not sure he knows about it I’d wear longer shirts Now he’ll never come He’ll only come to say that bodyy is banned from Majors I’d organize a crowdfunding tournament for CS It’d be great for the game and it’d revive the hype If you were one of your teammates I’d be Alex (bodyy) You can hold the mike yourself you know He’s young, cute as hell Makes me nostalgic And he’s lovely I’d be Alex too, for the same reasons And he’s got blue eyes, that’s pretty cool, I wish I had blue eyes Blue eyes are pretty But he’s got a strange haircut Well, if I could be Alex I’d choose a different haircut But it’s not that bad, honestly Weeeell I think I’d be Jérôme (NiaK) Very conscientious is his work Benevolent Benevolent A really cool human being I think we should stop here, he’s got too many qualities We tend to forget his flaws Best of the best A bodypart I’d be the left nut Say you’re the right nut No, I’m on the right, so I’m the right nut So what is he?
I’m what’s between you two Hey there! You know, that long thing… The AWP The magic stick! A bit floppy right now, a bit lazy Depends on the day I know someone who’s got… Only one nut. I know someone too And it’s Richard (shox)… No no give me back the mike It’s Richard who TOLD ME about it I can’t say who it actually is But apparently he went into the sea, and he lost a nut a wave hit him and he lost it So yeah, friends from VaKarM, if you go to the sea Hold on to your balls! Hey globals please wear tight swimming trunks Anyway, all of this will be cut from the video right?
Of course No 😀 If you were the last words of a VaKarM box Hey there Globals! That’s where the Major ends for us That was Max and Miky! No actually, friends from VaKarM, it makes me really happy to be able to do an interview in French for you, thank you for your support Even if sometimes you don’t support me that much But most of you are really cool people, so thank you And thanks to the staff from VaKarM.net They’re cool too You said everything already Ciao Globals!